Catfish Connections – January 2024

New Year’s Resolutions

By Keith “Catfish” Sutton

It’s that time of year again—time to write down a list of New Year’s resolutions. Most years, I’ve forgotten my resolutions before the first bass are spawning in the shallows. But 2024 will be different. You see, I have discovered the key to success in the resolution department: Lowered Expectations.

I know now that in years past, I’ve always given up because I set my sights too high. Therefore, this year, I will aspire to lesser heights. I have picked goals I can more reasonably expect to attain, as you will see in the list that follows.

1. I resolve not to prepare my Super Secret Stinkbait using my wife’s kitchen blender. Or her new Pioneer Woman storage containers.
2. And while we’re talking about bait, I also resolve not to use the toilet in our guest room as a live-bait tank.
3. While in camp, I resolve not to eat cabbage or Beanie Weenies before bedtime.
4. I resolve not to store night crawlers, leeches or skipjacks in our family refrigerator unless each container is properly marked and hermetically sealed.
5. I resolve to practice my fisherman’s tales and come up with more extravagant stories about the “one that got away,” complete with wild descriptions of the monstrous size of the catfish.
6. I resolve to create a catfish-themed dance routine to celebrate every successful catch.
7. I resolve not to throw rocks or cast lead weights at those boneheads roaring past my fishing hole on their personal water craft, even though they’ve nearly capsized my johnboat 23 times in the past 45 minutes. Not that I’m counting or anything.
8. Finally, when flying out of state for a fishing trip, I resolve not to pack Junnie’s Wicked Sticky Sewer Bait in my carry-on luggage.

Happy New Year, friends. May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions.

Keith “Catfish” Sutton, Editor